How to move on from a toxic relationship.
And by toxic, I mean it’s tearing down your soul. How do you know you know this? Is the other person disrespecting you? Blaming? Taking more than giving? Causing drama? We know what is really good for the deepest depths of our heart. Yet the loving feelings can cloud all of our intuition. When it feels over, it’s over. If it was meant to be, it wouldn’t end. But the hanging on is so easy. It feels comfortable and familiar to engage even if it’s all wrong. How to move on and end the chapter. Because my God, you are too brilliant to continue a story which is searching for a new beginning.
Here are a few steps I have personally found helpful, in no particular order.
- Write down all the things which bothered you about your ex, all the drama, everything. You can write that person a letter, just don’t send it. This is healing and takes you out of the fantasy. Write down all the good there was. It’s important to acknowledge the love and good times too. And lastly, write down how you contributed to anything, any patterns you want to look at and change. Relationships are mirrors and a place we learn about ourselves.
- Forgive. Forgive the other person. Even if there isn’t an apology. Some people can not see themselves enough to own up to anything. Forgiving them does not mean you accept the way they treated you, rather you let go of the anger in your heart, for you. This is for you. Forgive yourself. You are here on this planet learning and growing. Being able to take a chance in love and open your heart is wonderful and a beautiful gift. Have compassion for you and applaud yourself for moving on.
- Remember your worth. Remember who you are. Remember who you were before you lost yourself in this person. Remember the truth of your essentials without the stories you have been told by your ex. You are a brilliant light. If someone couldn’t see that or appreciate your soul, you owe it to yourself to move on. Write down at least 5 positive traits about yourself. Ask your friends or family if you have trouble with this. Speak these words in the mirror. You are too bright to be dulled by anyone.
- Breathe. Meditate. Get really quiet. Pray. Listen. Sitting in silence is so important to hear the truth beneath all the stories. When you breathe, that’s a form of meditation. Try this with me now. Breathe in through the nose for five, hold for eight, breathe out through the nose for five, do this for three minutes. Imagine a ball of white light washing over you. Some great apps for meditation are inscape, calm, or insight timer. Mediation cuts through the noise and brings you back to your truth.
- Buy yourself flowers. Take a hot bath. Get a massage. Dance to your favorite music. Take a nature walk. Eat really good chocolate. Move your body. Take a class you’ve been wanting to try. Listen to really uplifting music. Put on an inspiring podcast. Talk to a friend. Vent. Cry. Scream. Breathe. Get down on your knees and pray. Laugh. Delete their pictures, number, and block. I know this is so hard but so important to move on. Take care of YOU!
Simi Fromen is a Mom, holistic health coach, yoga teacher and self-love advocate. She believes vulnerability and sharing our stories helps us connect and feel less alone. She leads workshops for SoulCare, meditation, and writing, empowering others to find their voice. IG SIMI_FROMEN