It’s fall now so with Halloween coming up, there’s bound to be the return of many ghosts. As the season changes from summer to fall, you might be contacted by someone who ghosted you, but now wants to be back in your life. In the past couple of weeks, I have been contacted by four different individuals who all have expressed their desire to be back in my life. Before, it was difficult to even get a phone call or text from these individuals, but now, they have magically awoken from their slumber and realized their mistakes. In my prior post ‘What To Do When You Get Ghosted In Business Or Relationship‘, I spoke about the things you need to do when someone ghosts you. But how do you cope when a ghost reappears and now says everything you wanted to hear and more? By following the below playbook, that’s how.
Pause
Do not immediately respond to the ghost’s texts, emails, calls, DMs, etc. I don’t care if the ghost proposes to you and promises you the moon, earth and the stars. Do not respond. Give yourself time to carefully read through their message and process. This delay will also show you if the ghost is serious about pursuing you or if they were just looking for attention and validation. Since its “cuffing” season coupled with a pandemic, more people realize how lonely they really are and instead of trying to cope with that void in a healthy way, they will reach back out to ex flames to see which ones are still burning. Don’t be the cookie that crumbles easily. Stand your ground and take all the time you need.
Reflect
Think about what led to this situation. A grown adult could not communicate in a healthy way and instead decided to ignore you. They treated you poorly and probably hurt your feelings. Be real with yourself as you reflect on the past, mistakes you may have made and the ghost’s misgivings. Also, reflect on your growth. What about you has changed since your last contact with them? Has the ghost really changed? Real growth and change requires TIME and a high level of self-awareness. Do you really think the ghost has gained all that in this amount of time?
Assess
Your feelings. Assuming some time has passed (at least a month) since you last spoke to the ghost, assess how you truly feel about this person. Did you think about them at all during the no contact period? Do you really want this person back in your life? Do you still have any lingering feelings or are you over the situation? Would you be okay if they disappeared on you again? Is this person worthy of a second chance? I do believe in second chances but they must be earned. If someone has repeatedly shown the same patterns and broken your trust, you do not need to continue a toxic cycle. As you assess your feelings, be honest with yourself and truly weigh the pros and cons. Sometimes, we can’t really rely on our feelings. In the best relationships, logic and emotions are aligned. If your brain is saying no, but your heart is saying yes, this should be a red flag for you.
Act
Once you have completed steps 1-3 above, it’s time to make a decision. Depending on the answers to the questions listed above, you might decide to respond to the ghost and see how things pan out. If you do that, proceed with caution. Do not throw yourself into a relationship but take baby steps to have the ghost earn back your trust. If they have truly changed, they will want to take these steps to prove to you that they do deserve to be in your life. If you decide not to respond, that is perfectly fine; more power to you! Sometimes, the best response is no response. Finally, if you do decide to respond but with the intention of closing that chapter for good, that is also perfectly acceptable. At the end of the day, action should only be taken after you follow the playbook laid out above. Not every situation deserves a quick response or action on your part. Sometimes, the best outcomes happen after careful introspection.
Read our previous article post ‘What To Do When You Get Ghosted In Business Or Relationship‘