Sorry Not Sorry – Stop Apologising

  • Published on:
    September 3, 2018
  • Reading time by:
    3 minutes

Part of the ‘Mind Your Language’ series today’s feature is about apologetic language that when eradicated from your day to day language could help you be more confident and effective in your communications with yourself and others. 

I have been there myself and this changed my life for the better and I don’t intend to go back. 

These words and their respective translation in other languages hold us back every single day, and what’s interesting is that most of us do not even realise that we are doing it. This unconscious use of language actually has a massive impact on what our subconscious and conscious minds are perceiving. What you perceive is your reality. So you can see, if this is negative your reality becomes negative. This leads to frustration, anger and even so far as depression. We become confused. The confusion comes from when your brain does not have enough information and a lack of controlled mindset to understand what is happening. 

‘Sorry’

‘Sorry’ – This is one of the most frustrating words that is more commonly used by women. ‘Sorry’ can be used in many contexts and we will not be talking about the context of a sincere apology where you have done something to someone that you feel the need to apologise for; it is when you use it in common everyday circumstances unconsciously.

Pantene did a fabulous campaign called ‘Sorry not Sorry’ which you can still view on Youtube, asking ‘why are women always apologising’ this fabulously shows the point of even when you are not at fault you apologise anyway (e.g when someone bumps into you) or when you are about to express your opinion or ask a question or ask something you say ‘sorry’ ahead of the sentence. This very act which has come from generations of direct and indirect conditioning has meant that mainly women have been conditioned to apologise for having an opinion and even to apologise for things that are not their fault. What you may not realise is that this already gives the wrong impression to the person you are speaking to, you can come across as not confident, competent and very unsure of what you are speaking about even if this is not the case. Therefore people will not take you seriously. This is demeaning to your character personally and professionally. 

Etiquette or manners

In many societies it is almost considered as part of the proper etiquette or manners to say sorry unconsciously, however remember you can be perfectly polite, have good manners and maintain the proper level of etiquette without the need to say ‘sorry’. 

So the next time you feel the impulse to say ‘sorry’ – Think before you say it. 

‘To Be Honest’ – Another annoying term that immediately discredits what you are about to say next. A bit more of a mixture between men and women though nonetheless it is something that you need to stop saying before you start a sentence or even during a conversation. This term implies that you are otherwise not an honest person and lack sincerity. Are you otherwise not honest about what you say? Again for some reason a lot of us have picked up this bad habit or have been conditioned to use this to gain entry to a conversation as with when we say ‘sorry’. You may not realise that you do this, however this discredits what you are about to say next. 

The next time

The next time you feel the impulse to say ‘To Be Honest’ – Think before you say it It’s all well and good to bring your awareness to the use of these words and terms, but what can you do about it? Action on the words will make the actions of your words speak louder. 

Create new terms to replace when you use the words ‘sorry’ and ‘to be honest’. The new terms should be ones that positively positions you without being impolite. In some circumstances you need not say anything and need to recondition yourself that way. Instead of saying ‘sorry’ try saying ‘Thank you’ for example. Sometimes a positive expression conveys a better message.  It will take some time and effort, it is easier than you think and quite fascinating. 

You must never apologise for being exactly who you are. Start small and catch yourself when you are using such negative language and you will start to see your confidence grow, and you will feel more empowered to create a better reality for yourself. Skills are habits and as we all know habits stick good or bad so let’s make this a good habit that you unconsciously keep up. 

 

 

Haseena Bheekhun

Haseena Bheekhun is a Coach, Mentor, and Consultant. The scope of expertise in many areas of lifestyle, career life and business spans as wide as the exposure and first-hand experience has enabled her to interpret and understand the do’s and don’ts. Packaging this in a way that caters to the individual and the extended professional environment i.e. small company, large company or organization individuals are able to improve personally and professionally. Haseena’s vision is to empower and enable others to utilize their full potential and achieve their goals, by educating them and the wider community on various issues relating to mindset. Haseena enjoys creative and educational pursuits in philosophy, psychology, technology, science, and art.

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