When it’s Time To Ask for Help

  • Photos by:
    Nicolas Postiglioni
  • Published on:
    October 7, 2018
  • Reading time by:
    4 minutes

I’m not ok, and that’s ok: When it’s time to ask for help.

I like to see myself as a strong woman who is the one who helps everyone else. I struggle with recognizing my own needs and reaching out, and this year has been no exception.

I started this year extremely pregnant and went into labor 2/14, Valentines Baby!! However, labor did not go as planned and we ended up with an emergency C-Section. After my perfect baby was here I started what is affectionately known as the “baby blues”, essentially Post-Partum Depression (PPD) but that only lasts a few weeks. By the time I went to my initial follow up appointment I was feeling MUCH more myself and ready to take on the world!

I started back FULL FORCE into work after 8 weeks, and I was so excited!! I love what I do, and I love being a career mom. I had an amazing situation for my baby, my big girl was finishing school and had summer camp, life was settling in. Then the bottom dropped out. My oldest hit a super hormonal stage, my husband’s anxiety went through the roof, I lost some people very close to me at work, and I was dealing with the stresses of wanting to be able to fix everything myself and hold everyone and everything together. I remember very clearly one day thinking that everyone would be so much better off if I was not around, and that’s when I knew. I had slipped into a full-fledged PPD and had been ignoring it. Pushing it down because I believed it was my job to help everyone else, even at the expense of myself. 

I am 100% sure I am not alone here. I talk to women almost daily who are dealing with some form of anxiety and depression and they push through it or hide it because we are scared or prideful or even just fully oblivious to the situation. I am here to tell you, IT IS OK TO NOT BE OK. It is ok to need help. Here are the steps I personally took to begin working my way through the fog.

1: Admit it to yourself

This was probably the worst part for me. I have built my own personal identity on being a strong independent woman who takes care of everything solo. I should be able to handle this on my own right? WRONG. We deserve to not just barely make it through every day. We deserve to be the ones that are helped sometimes, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

2: Ask for help

The second worst part for me was admitting to my work family that I was struggling. One aspect of anxiety/depression is the propensity to fixate on one task and make that task such a mountain that we absolutely cannot climb it. I had one of those that every time I went to complete I had a full on anxiety attack. I reached out to a friend within my company and explained what I was dealing with and she immediately offered to jump in and catch me up on that task. Without question or judgment, she was there. I then called my boss and explained what was happening and who was assisting me and we made plans for what the next few months would look like. I am EXTREMELY lucky to be with a company that is so incredibly supportive and helpful. I do understand though that you might not be! In those cases, know your rights! Anxiety, depression and PPD are real and recognized, and you have rights to accommodations. If you are being discriminated against due to any of these things, please consult your HR or an attorney (or both) and know your rights. 

3: Talk to your doctor

At my 6-month checkup, I began explaining my symptoms and what I was dealing with on the day to day. Immediately my OBGYN began discussing treatment plans for me and I walked out of there with a prescription, a treatment plan, and hope. I have heard so many women say, “I don’t want to be reliant on a pill” or something similar, but truthfully ladies, STOP PILL SHAMING. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a prescribed medication from your doctor that assists in correcting an imbalance, so you can function as your normal self. I do not plan on being on medication forever, but I will absolutely take the assistance so that I can be the best version of myself for my family. It is ok to not be ok.

And ladies, give yourself grace. We are so quick to jump in and help others when they are dealing with similar things, but when it happens to us we are our own worst enemies. You are not required to be perfect at all times, and those expectations that we put on ourselves are sometimes keeping us from getting the help we need. Needing help doesn’t mean you have failed, it means you are human. Let’s all recognize the beauty in our humanity.

Betsy Kirkpatrick

Betsy Kirkpatrick- National Director of Recruiting and Regional Sales Manager for BG Multifamily. Betsy has risen through the ranks of the apartment industry, beginning her multifamily career as a property manager and then regional trainer with well-known property management companies. Betsy is passionate about the multifamily industry, loves participating in apartment industry associations and she serves the industry each day by recruiting new and fresh talent to join multifamily. Betsy is also a mother of 2, married for 10 years, and enjoys spending time with friends and family, doing anything relaxing, singing, and corny jokes.

You might also enjoy..

by Radhika Chhabria

Keys to Change Before NEW YEAR!

The scent of the rain is soothing when it starts to pour initially and we tend to enjoy the rain at first! But what if it continues to rain for a whole day-long or for two consecutive days or for seven days in a row, would you still enjoy the rain? Nope. Right!? We tend to hate things when they turn out to become routine, that’s when all our proble

Office Attire Tips for Business Women

Starting a new job in an office can come with its fair share of headaches. You have to get used to a whole new cast of people, a completely different working environment and choosing the most appropriate attire that will make your colleagues respect you. Remember to work hard and play even harder playing ever just wanted to play?
by Betsy Kirkpatrick

When it’s Time To Ask for Help

I’m not ok, and that’s ok: When it’s time to ask for help. I like to see myself as a strong woman who is the one who helps everyone else. I struggle with recognizing my own needs and reaching out, and this year has been no exception.
by Sheinna Mungroo

How To Move Past Rejection – 10 Step...

Whether you’ve been rejected after a few dates or a long term relationship, being ghosted or even from a job. Rejection sucks! Rejection is never easy and at some point, all boss women have had some experience of rejection. While it may be tempting to continue to chase down that person who has rejected you, in order to deal with rejection, we need
by Gloria Owusu

How to Invest in Your Pretty Self

I Have 6 ideas on how to invest in your pretty self. do you have 5 minutes to spare? Investing in yourself is one of the best returns you can ever have. You need to learn to give or invest in yourself first, so you can best serve others.
by Haseena Bheekhun

Things that You Need to Let Go Of

Now I am sure most of you might have started singing in your head or even out loud the popular song from the movie Frozen, and the lyrics certainly ring true.  Letting go is a skill that we all need to have. Note that I used the word skill as most things are not one hit wonders, they are things that we need to exercise like a muscle to become stron
by Sheinna Mungroo

Traits of The Mysterious Woman

To be mysterious is to have a magnetic energy, an aura that pulls people in. It draws their attention and they may find themselves curious to get to know you more. It is one of the most powerful qualities one can have and often leads to a sense of deeply fascinating interest. Being mysterious is an art and women who wield it are artists. 

Join the discussion!

One thought on “When it’s Time To Ask for Help

  1. I am very grateful for these words. It is so difficult to be a mum, a wife, and to have a job at the same time. I am really exhausted and never ask for help. It made me feel better to read these words and to know that I am not alone, but also that solutions exist. Thank you so much.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.