Whether you are a woman in business, woman in a profession or anyone building upon and working towards their goals and ambitions (in all areas of life), no doubt many if not all have faced the harrowing conflict when it comes to making the right decisions for ourselves. There are different facets to decision making, one aspect is the conflict that occurs from the ‘disease to please’.
Making the right decisions can be difficult, however it only gets more complicated when we have added internal conflicts.
Disease To Please
One of the greatest inhibitors to one’s success is when consumed by the disease to please. The need to please people comes from both nature and nurture. It is something we are taught as well as having the innate desire to be ‘liked’. Now granted when you are working with others in any capacity you want to integrate well and connect with people including your audience, customers, clients etc. However if the balance tips more towards always wanting to please them from your side, you will find yourself at the mercy of others and only fulfilling them and their needs. Inevitably this will lead you towards your own unhappiness and the unfulfillment of your own goals and ambitions.
Many of us have fallen victim to this learned mindset and realise it only after the effects have taken hold and we become dissatisfied. However you can always learn how to correct this mindset and correct the behaviour.
Wanting to make a good impression (to employers, bosses, co-workers, clients, customers etc) is different to people pleasing. Always remember that your actions need to serve yourself as well as others.
So how does one progress forward and keep a healthy state of mind and not develop the disease to please?
Be Self-Aware Before you make a decision – Think – are you saying ‘Yes’ when really you want to say ‘No’. We sometimes confuse ourselves and the desire to please takes over. We are afraid of disappointing someone, that it’s impolite, that if something is within our means we should always say yes, that we should say yes to every opportunity and job, and the list goes on. If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it because most likely you will hold resentment, negative energy and not give your full effort towards what you have agreed to.
‘It is ok to say no, it is ok to say no and people don’t like you for it’ – Oprah
Everyone struggles or has struggled with the idea of not being liked, because we think that there is something wrong with us and/or it means we are a bad person. This is because we have been conditioned to think this way. You need to correct this mindset if you are wanting to achieve success and happiness. The positive reality is that we cannot please everyone, we do our best to live our truth and do what’s right for us so that in turn we can do right by others. What people think and how they react is outside of your control, the only thing you can control is yourself. When you are making a decision however big or small, think before you speak and speak with confidence. Those with the right mindset will respect you for it.
People pleasing serves no one, because what you have said yes to begrudgingly has taken away an opportunity for someone else to have done it with positivity as it was right for them not you.
Take your time, prevent others from rushing you to say ‘yes’ by being prepared with responses. This includes having your ‘no’ response pre planned so that you are confident discussing it. Know your reasons however when you speak do not act like you are trying to justify your decision. When you need time, say you need time, often even those with the best intentions, including our advisors say what they think is right for us but we ourselves are not convinced, so take the time you need within reason – don’t avoid it or procrastinate.
Follow your intuition – Follow your instincts. We often question what our natural instincts are telling us, while you need to be careful that it is not fear intervening, be sure to take what your initial instinct says seriously.
Identify what your personality type and explore your psychology. By understanding more about how YOU work, the better you will be able to identify where it stems from for yourself, because we are all unique.
Gain the right mental tools, learn how to use them and keep them sharp and ready to use at any time you need them. Go out there and make the right decisions for you!
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